One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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