Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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