you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
