yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
