I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
