I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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