life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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