Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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