Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
