Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
