I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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