Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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