I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They are going to name an STD after you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
