he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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