We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think i got beer on your cat.
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