Who did Billy Mays play for?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
