my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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