I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
