I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize