I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You ever have a fart follow you around?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize