Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
