Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
