I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
