tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
