You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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