you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
