In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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