She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
