She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
