There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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