Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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