there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
