You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
