he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
