ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
