sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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