The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
