Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
