Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
