My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
