If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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