i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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