do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
