So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
