I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was confusing and full of hummus
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
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Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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