I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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