and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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