Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
