I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
