This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
