Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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