I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
