Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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