3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
