watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
