he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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