We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just want nice things and good sex
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
