counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
