Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
