Im at strip club and am horny
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
